When is it ok to ask about SRS?

In my last post, I gave a few thoughts on the medical and psychological sides of Gender Dysphoria and of the transgender experience, but I often forget that a lot of people aren't actually in my head hearing my unspoken/unwritten thoughts, so particularly for the sake of other trans people, I really want to clarify something...

I spoke very openly about the processes involved in a transgender person's physical transition of their body. Here and there, you will hear plenty of other transgender people who are open about the same issue. However, if you are not transgender, you need to recognize that transgender people who are comfortable speaking about these issues with strangers are in the huge minority.

Let me explain...If someone asked you about your genitals, how would you react? If you are a cisgender person, imagine how you would react if someone (not close to you) asked "Is your penis/vagina normal?" "How big is your dick?" "Does your vagina get wet easily?" "Can you still get hard?" "Can you orgasm?" "So do you have a penis or vagina?" etc. Most people would not react particularly well and might say something to the effect of "What the fuck is wrong with you? How is that any of your business?" and most people around you would probably back you up.

Transgender people are asked these questions all the time. And almost no one (other than trans people or allies) even bats an eye. If you are asking out of pure curiosity about trans people in general, do some research online!!! Seriously. If you are asking out of pure curiosity about that individual, again, how is that any of your business?!?!?!? I promise that that trans person did not ask you about your genitals.

As I tell anyone who asks: If it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask another cisgender person, it is not appropriate to ask a transgender person. I have no idea why that doesn’t appear to be common sense for most people. I’m sure it is very innocent. But it comes off as people not thinking of us as actual human beings, but instead some strange aberration that doesn’t actually have thoughts/feelings and doesn't deserve privacy.

I should clarify that given the right relationship, it might be ok. If any of my closest friends (even some from the past) asked me about it, I would happily tell them…in fact, sometimes it’s actually something I want to talk about with my closest friends and family. But if you aren’t sure if you are close enough or not, you probably aren’t. If they were cisgender and they would never be ok with you asking about their genitals, it’s not ok.

I am going to end with a short passage from Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity. It refers to MTF transgender women, but most transgender people deal with very similar issues.

“The media objectifies our bodies by sensationalizing sex reassignment surgery and openly discussing our ‘man-made vaginas’ without any of the discretion that normally accompanies discussions about genitals. Further, those of us who have not had surgery are constantly being reduced to our body parts, whether by the creators of tranny porn who overemphasize and exaggerate our penises (thus distorting trans women into ‘she-males’ and ‘chicks with dicks’) or by other people who have been so brainwashed by phallocentrism that they believe that the mere presence of a penis can trump the femaleness of our identities, our personalities, and the rest of the body.”